right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
