Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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