We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
