closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
