She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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