you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
