This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
