Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
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