piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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