I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
