Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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