you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
