i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
