..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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