I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
