I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
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It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
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At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?