Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
