i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days