Your face is a jimmy john
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
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All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
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Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?