Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything