So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.