He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
