There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
