At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
