Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
