so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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