mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
