I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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