What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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