Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
