I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
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The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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