Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
