For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
