I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
