She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
