Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
