My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
