They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
