i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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