What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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