I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
