I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
