The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
