he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
