never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just pee around me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
