I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
