i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
