he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
