How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
