Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
