threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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