Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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