I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
