my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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