I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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