My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dick very happy bro
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
