My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.