Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
