new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I skipped work to stalk him.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
