i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
