Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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