Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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