mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
