we have officially lost it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
