still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
