Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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