ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
