He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
