i will never coherently bang her
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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